"He Shall Strengthen Your Heart"

My mom turned 89 today. She's lived a long and mostly difficult life, but has rarely allowed that to prevent her from talking with everyone she's ever met, laughing and trying to make others laugh, with her somewhat unusual sense of humor. In fact, she's still laughing, mostly at herself, and sometimes for no reason at all.

My mother is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease. It used to be simply dementia caused by old age, but Hospice described it differently when I was there recently. She believes she had four children - two boys and two girls: both girls' named "Sharon." In fact, she believes the "Sharon" that visited her several weeks ago, was impersonating the "real" Sharon. She asked me again if I was sure that she "birthed" me; I reassured her that she did. She doesn't know who my children are and is surprised to hear that I'm almost 61 years old and a grandmother. I no longer try to help her understand what's reality and what is not. I just listen and agree and that seems to work the best.

Our conversations always consist of the weather, and how hot it is in Florida, although she hasn't been outside in a very long time. She always asks me where I live and I always say the same thing.  She tells me about the "boss" who works at the office building she currently resides in and I just listen. Today, she asked me if I was one of the six wives of some man she couldn't remember the name of and spent a long time trying to figure it out. I finally told her that I wasn't married, which she was surprised to hear. Each time we talk, she asks me the same things and I give her the same answers because she doesn't remember what the answers are. She does still remember who I am when I'm talking with her on the phone - but she says she doesn't like the "other" Sharon who went to visit her, because she was pretending to be "me".

This disease is the strangest thing I've ever seen. As it's victim, it robs you of all that you hold dear and eventually, all of the memories you've ever made. Your life becomes a shell of the person you once were, and you have no idea who that person was or is now. I find it difficult to put into words how traumatizing it is to watch the complete stripping away of the human mind. It's barbaric, even though she's in very little physical pain. I've often asked myself what is worse: a person who dies suddenly or a person who dies slowly, as my dad did, or my mom is doing now? I don't know the answer to that question, except I wish there was neither.

I've never learned how to adequately deal with aging and death; that's obvious now. It took me a long time to recover from my dad's passing, and even now, it still causes me a great deal of sadness if I linger on it too long. What do people do who have no hope? My trust and hope is in God and in His infinite wisdom and sovereignty. I put my dad in His hands and I do the same now with my mom. I have no idea how people cope without the hope that is in God. Without that, I would be an extraordinarily  miserable person, and probably a drug addict or alcoholic - or worse - always trying to escape the painful reality of life. Life without HOPE is a dismal, desperate existence. Having hope in God is the only real answer that makes any sense.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord." Jeremiah 17:7 NKJV

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord."
Psalms 31:24 NKJV