Wisdom

I have eczema on the tops of my hands and have been using all kinds of concoctions to heal the redness, to no avail. It flares up when I least expect it, for no reason I can think of, then fades away only to reappear a short time later. As I rub lotions and medicine onto my hands, I noticed something today. They look like my grandmother's hands when I was a young girl. I remember sitting next to her and probing the protruding veins on the backside of her hands with my fingers. I thought it was very cool that they were so puffy and wrinkly. I remember my mom also having this strange phenomenon when she got older, as her hands slowly shriveled up like the skins of apricots and had protruding rivers of blue lines on a pale background. I liked to push the blue lines down like a game, and she never seemed to mind. So now as I try to soften and heal my own hands, I realize that I too, have inherited the puffy blue rivers on a pale background. Kenni hasn't noticed it yet, but I'm sure my other grandchildren will when I see them in April. Especially Jade. She always points out every blemish on my body and asks me about it. It's her mission in life to let others know of their abnormalities and ask every question known to man.  I think she may be a doctor when she grows up, because she's very astute, indeed. She will let you and everyone around you, know what she finds wrong or out of place, and will point it out until you acknowledge her. That child is a born leader - mark my words. If she does not become a doctor, then maybe the president of our country or prime minister of another. Now Donovan and Shanti will only rub my hands, but probably won't comment on them. They just want you to love them up and be close. Jade wants to be loved up too, but she's more concerned about inspecting and reporting, than simply quietly sitting next to me. If I do try to change the subject or ignore her questioning, I hear, "Gramma, gramma, gramma, gramma, GRAMMA, GRAMMA, GRAMMAAAAA!!! That is just what my kids used to do when my mind was preoccupied and they had something they felt was very important to tell me. "Mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM, MOM, MOOOOMM!!!" That was always accompanied by a constant tapping on my arm, until I exploded and yelled, "WHAAAAAT????!!!" They always had a surprised look on their face after my response, and I could never understand why.

So my revelation this morning didn't come as a surprise, but it did remind me of my grandmother's and mother's hands. I did a search on the internet once and found out that as we age, our skin gets thinner and that's why you can see the veins more clearly. At least on pale skin - I don't know about darker skin. I only know my skin, as I've had it all my life. I tried to tan when I was younger, but all I did was burn and peel - it was futile - so I became content with that. One year at camp, I sat in the sun all day with no protection and by the evening, my face was covered in severe burns. I was in so much pain for a long time afterwards, until it broke open and peeled. I've come to learn now that the spots on my arms and face are caused from the sun and they are the pre-cursor to skin cancer. In fact, I've had several of them frozen off by a dermatologist. When we were kids, no one told us not to use tin foil to attract the sun so we could burn quicker. I had never heard that you shouldn't lay out in the sun to get "color" in your skin. I know now. I wish I would have been smarter when I was younger. I wouldn't be plagued with brown spots on my face and arms like my dad had. Someone once even said to me, "Your legs are SO white!!!" Like it was gross or something. Well, I was born with them, and I can't change that, so I'm stuck with white legs, thank you. At least they don't have brown spots! I never tried to tan or burn my legs because I always wore pants or long skirts. What was the point? 

I think our bodies mock us as we age. I mean, everything changes. The hair on top of my head falls out and gets thinner, while new hair grows in wavy and wild, sticking straight out, unlike before. The places I'm not supposed to have hair, like my chin, have long strands that grow out of nowhere. I feel them before I see them, and try to yank them out with what little nails that I do have. For most of us, our weight distribution changes and parts that should be solid and firm, become droopy and  flabby, flailing about if we are caught running or walking quickly. Quite embarrassing. For some of us, our knees are the first to give out. After all, they have been holding up all of our weight for all of our lives and they're just worn out. I've had my left knee replaced and soon I will have my right knee replaced as well. Some folks have so many joints and parts replaced that they've become bionic in every sense of the word. For many of us, our backs are not as straight as they were when we were young. Sometimes, I find myself walking across the room like my father did and wondering where I went wrong. I've come to find out, my lower back feels better if I can lean somewhat forward, to take the pressure off my spine, and that's exactly why my dad walked the way he did. Frankly, if I had really believed my body would fall apart when I was older, I would have taken much better care of it. When we're young, for some reason, we think not only will we live forever, we'll do so with the same young body we've always had. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I've been blessed with almost every inherited aspect of my father's physical ailments. He had arthritis, spinal stenosis, tendonitis, and constant pain from a myriad of causes, taking just as many medications; and I have graciously stepped into that role now that he is gone. I have to say, though, my doctor is actually helping me wean off of some of the pain medication I've been on for years, and for once in a very long time, I feel clearer in my mind and don't need to take a nap several times a day. That's a good thing. The doses of narcotics that I was on were, per my doctor, designed for someone with terminal cancer - not chronic pain. And so he is weaning me off of some of those and other meds that I've been on for years, and miraculously, I'm fairing very well. The pain is still there, but not to the extent it was, which is mind-boggling. He explained that to me as a threshold issue. The more medicine I took, the higher my threshold of pain became, and so they had to keep increasing the dose to keep up with the pain, and even though I didn't really understand him at the time, I get it now. The lower amount of pain meds I'm taking, has reduced the pain threshold I'm experiencing. Wow - that's incredible to me. 

One thing age does change for us, though in a positive way, is knowledge. We think we know everything when we're young and the older we get, we realize how little we really do know. And with that knowledge, hopefully comes wisdom. Wisdom is different than knowledge. A person can have the highest academic degree available, and be knowledgeable in many things, and yet lack wisdom. I believe that wisdom only comes through experience, and is a gift from God. We can pretend or seek after it on our own, but we will never attain it, unless we get it from the One Who gives it. In my estimation, having wisdom is worth all the bodily dysfunctions and changes that happen as we age. Even more important than that, it also makes all of those years of mistakes and regrets, mean something after all.